It's been a while...

Life has been crazy hectic the last few months. I've been MIA for a few reasons. I just had a baby and my husband recently spent 9 days in the hospital, 5 of which were in the ICU recently due to a staph infection that turned into toxic shock syndrome where he almost died.
Due to these recent events I have had to take a step back from a lot of things. I closed my Etsy Shop, and stopped doing anything related to crafting and making things. Right now my 3 babies and my husband are top priority. There is a season for everything. and right now Etsy Shops, and blogs have to be put on the back burner.  I have to be honest, I do not miss my etsy shop one bit. It was fun while it lasted. I had marginal success, and just realized that at the end of the day, I just wasn't having fun anymore. Now that I'm not doing my shop anymore, I have time for so many other things, and it's great! 
I hope to start blogging more again soon, but I make no promises! I just have to take it one day at a time:)

6 weeks later...well 5.5, but who's counting??

And this is where the real work begins. I have lost 25lbs without really doing anything about it. I have been walking here and there, but I really haven't tried to lose weight...yet. Yesterday I felt like a fat cow. I know I should give myself some grace. For goodness sakes I just had a baby 5.5 weeks ago, but then the critical side of me thinks it's been 5.5 weeks and you look like this! It doesn't help that I can't fit into any of my regular clothes. I can pull them up over my legs for the most part, but do you see that belly? Yeah, I'm not getting anything to button around that waist any time real soon.  

So here I am in all my glory. Yes, I literally just took this picture which tells you that I'm still in pj's and my hair is up, and I have no idea when I will get my next shower or fit in any type of exercise that will actually make me sweat. I can tell you that it is my goal to get into thee best shape of my life this year. I'm not looking for a quick fix, but I do have goals. Since I'm breastfeeding I can't be on a diet per se, but I can make better food choices, and I'm trying...sometimes. I have a sweet tooth like no other! Why can't I not like chocolate, or french fries, or lots of sugar in my coffee??  I pretty much have ZERO self control when it comes to these things, but I better get some. I want to be fit more than I want those french fries...most days;)

Real life begins...

If you have read my blog or are a friend's with me on Facebook then you know that I have a hard time with the fact that my family and I live across the country from one another. Before my kids came along it was hard, but now that I have kids it's pretty much excruciating for me not to have them  around.

My mom has been here for 2 weeks to help out with the boys and be here for Caragan's birth, and it's been nothing short of wonderful. I didn't think that I would be that upset when she left, because we have done this song and dance so many times now, but the tears came on Wednesday when I realized I only had 2 days left with her, and I have cried on and off ever since. I'm careful not to let her see that, because I know it's hard on her too.

Sometimes I feel really silly because I know many people live away from their family members. I see my family quite often considering the fact that we live so far away from each other, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just a family oriented girl through and through. I have always been taught that family is EVERYTHING. Nobody has been there for me like my family and I miss them terribly. 

Having my mom here for the past 2 weeks has been such a gift. She has made it so that I can focus fully on Caragan by taking care of my boys, and keeping up with the house. She has taken Cole to and from school,  and kept the boys occupied while Caragan takes an hour to eat. I literally have not had to do one dish or load of laundry in two weeks. I'm thankful for her servants heart. While being catered to hand and foot is nice, that is not sole reason that I love having her here. I love seeing her enjoy her grandchildren. She is an amazing grandma. I always knew she would be. I just wish that she could enjoy them on a daily basis, and I will keep praying that one day soon that will be possible. 

So after today real life starts. I'll be a mom of 3, 3 and under. I''ll have to figure out how to feed 3 kids at the same time, get one dressed and ready for school and juggle all of their needs. I won't lie I'm terrified that I won't be able to do it. I just keep telling myself that moms everywhere do this. I'm not the first mom in history to have 3 kids so close in age. Somehow without my mom I'll get it all done, at least I keep telling myself that I will. I guess I really have no choice do I?!  I would love any advice from any of you moms, especially those of you with 3 close together! 

Tomorrow is D Day! .

Tomorrow, I will become a mother of 3. Tomorrow is the day that I will meet my daughter. Tomorrow we will become a family of 5!

Today, I want to soak up all the time with my boys that I can. I want to take lots of pictures of us as a family of 4, when I'm still the only girl in the family. It's a bittersweet feeling. My little boy will now be a big brother of 2 siblings. I see the way he tries to take care of his little brother and its so sweet. I can't wait to see how he is with his sister. Today is also the last day that Carter will be the baby of the family. Of course he will still be my baby, but his role in the family is changing too.

Tonight, will be my last full nights sleep for a while. Well come to think of it, it's been a while since I've had a full nights sleep, but instead of waking up to achy hips, and a throbbing back I'll be waking up to the cries of my hungry baby.

Tonight, I will probably get anxious. I'll be nervous about her delivery. I'll be nervous if my gestational diabetes will cause any blood sugar problems. I'll wonder if she really weighs over 8lbs. I'll be excited to close my eyes and picture what she looks like.

Tonight, I will take one last look at this belly. I'll soak it all in. The body I try to avoid looking at in the mirror I'll stare at long and hard. I'll make a mental note about how I look so tired, so strong, stretched to capacity. I'll put my hands on my large belly, and rub it for a while remembering how it feels to hold a baby that's living inside of me. I'll close my eyes and thank God for my blessings. I might even cry a little bit.

Tonight, I will make sure to lay next to my husband. I'll reminisce with him about what it was like when it was just him and I. I'll talk to him about how much has changed in the last 5 years together. I'll make sure he rubs my belly too. I'll probably cry a little more.

This morning I will go to church and worship the one that has made this all possible. I'll lift my hands in praise because I don't deserve any of this, yet he has given it to me so freely. I'll pray for peace and grace as we make this transition, because I know it won't be easy!

If you think about us, pray for a smooth and easy c-section. Pray or the health of our daughter, and pray for our boys as they will be staying with family for the 3 days I'm in the hospital. I'll be posting a lot of pictures tomorrow to my IG account so be on the look out!